Externship

So essentially I have no summer. That's exaggerating. I do have a month off towards the end, which is more time than most get so I will shut up now. I don't like downtime so this is a good thing anyways.

We get out of school/work on June 15. I will be in Santa Fe for my NEH program from June 17 - 23. We are in NH for a wedding I am in June 29-July 1. I almost just typed June 31... Then I am teaching summer school from July 9-20. And I just received an externship at the Willard Clock Museum in Grafton, MA from July 23-27. And then Scott & I are in a wedding in Rhode Island August 17-19. I am then back at work August 27.  And there are various other events happening throughout the summer as well.

The Willard Clock Museum thing came up because we got an email about doing externships to learn how to apply our degrees in other ways than teaching so we then could pass that info off to our students. Most kids think the only thing you can do with a history degree is teach so I applied to work at any museum and was accepted by this one. I did some research and found out it was a clock museum, the guy's name wasn't Willard Clock so at first I was a little disappointed. However I spent an hour with them yesterday talk about what this will entail. I will be shadowing them for about a day. It's a small staff. And then I will help them catalogue some items that have been left around. But what's really exciting is that it looks like I will be receiving a grant through them to be a videographer for them throughout the year. It starts June 2 at an Alpaca Shearing festival. I will make a video for them of that and if they like it, I will be hired to do it for the entire museum as well as events throughout the year. I am really looking forward to putting my video skills to use and practicing.

And in between all of this I am taking a 6 week course that requires 6-8 hours of reading a week from June 6 - July 25.

Baby Steps

The whole smiling more thing is pretty hard. It's a very conscious thing to smile that much. I am trying but more often than not I catch myself not smiling and then trying to smile. It is REALLY hard work! LOL.

Looking happy

I had a student (who I haven't had for 3 years) ask me on Friday if I was happy because I looked pissed. I said, "I generally am always happy but look miserable" and he said, "yeah you never look happy".

Super. Never. That's the reputation I want to have.

Well, that's May's goal, I guess. To outwardly appear happy. Not faking it but if I'm happy, I should smile. I get that. 

This has always been hard for me. I remember when I was 19 we had to go around and introduce ourselves and give a fact about ourselves the first day of RA training. I vividly remember saying, "My name is Stevie and I usually look like I am in a bad mood but usually am in a good mood - my face just looks pissed so don't be afraid to talk to me. I just look serious all of the time"... and later one of my best friends told me that I was 100% right - that I was happy most of the time but looked angry a lot. My relaxed face just looks pissed/sarcastic. It suits me well since I am sarcastic but unless someone knows me, they probably think I hate life. 

I wish smiling came more naturally to me but just know that if you see me and I look angry, I likely am just relaxed. I don't want to be fake. I'm not gonna just smile for no reason. 

 

Missile testing

As I was doing some research for my upcoming Santa Fe trip, I stumbled onto the site for a national park I've always wanted to visit: White Sands. It's too far away to go to on this trip but I was alarmed at the following alert on the site.

 Ummmmm excuse me? Missile Tests? I have so many questions about this. For starters - aren't national parks in existence to preserve the area from destruction? Why is missile testing going on near enough that it needs this kind of alert? Isn't this why we own places elsewhere in the world? Why are we even testing in the USA? WHY NEAR A NATIONAL PARK? And if it's near a national park, wouldn't it be near people and if near people, why not Santa Fe? I am beyond confused. 

Note so self: don't go to White sands... And do more research on this.

May

It's chapter 11 (November) in her book but for me May is "keep a contented heart - attitude". This time of year is especially difficult as the weather warms and as kids get a little stir crazy not to mention saying goodbye to all the ones I've taught. I also need to worry less and realize that everything is not do or die.

Gretchen took a personality test to see if she was overly positive or overly negative. So I took the same test and got these results: 

I definitely am the highly critical type so I thought I would've been more negative than shown above. It's definitely something I have to work on. She talks a lot about how instead of criticizing, you can reword things to say the same thing. For example, instead of saying "Ugh, you never brush your hair" (this is her example to her child), she could say, "I love when your hair is straight - it looks great!". That is going to be what I try to do this month - try to be more positive. She did a "week of no negative comments" which I think would be near impossible but I am going to try it - probably the last week in May.


She also talks about sarcasm. I am one of the most sarcastic people I've ever met. It's tough for me to see something ridiculous and not make a comment about it but I will try to do this less. It's going to be very difficult since that is my style and I like being sarcastic. 


I came up with my checklist as well:

The first one is a typo - should say laugh out loud. It's true - you do feel better when you laugh or smile. And I love to laugh so I am going to try to find little things funnier. I hardly ever smile but usually am in a good mood and I appear to be miserable when I'm really not. I don't know why that is but I do admire people who appear happy all the time. So I will attempt to smile more to show I am not, in fact, miserable. I will also try to be more enthusiastic. I am generally drawn to people who are enthusiastic although I am not always enthusiastic. I will attempt to emulate people who are. I will also help people more. Soooo if you need something, ask. By helping people, we help our attitudes. Who doesn't like to hear nice things about themselves? Compliments are on their way! My quiet spot is my bath tub. I already do pray for my enemies - every single day. I need to be more satisfied with life, for sure. I already am pretty kind but I could always be kinder so that's something I'll work on. I am pretty good at listening but I do often times feel the need to answer back with my life experiences and I will try to do that less. Although honestly I learn a lot more from someone when they've gone through something and tell me about it than reading about it online which is probably why I do it too. But I do realize it can get annoying/draining. And a lot of times I am listening but seem distracted. I will try to focus more and listen better and be engaged. For me, complaining is a form of venting and if I don't do it, I might flip out on someone unnecessarily but people who complain a lot are draining so I will try to do that more. And pursuing one's passions is always a good thing since it makes one happier. 


This is a lot to accomplish in one month but I will try to improve overall. And if I fail, oh well. At least I tried :)

How long could you go?

My dad sent me an article (at bottom) awhile ago that has had me thinking and there was a question it asked at the end:

1. How long could you go without being wired (or wireless) with your cell phone or PC? One week? One day? One hour?

I honestly believe that I could go a long time without my phone. There are days when I accidentally leave it at home and not once have I ever felt a panic when doing so. I like to have it on me in case of an emergency or when I am bored but I certainly don't need it. I have a hearing problem so the phone's not my favorite thing. Sometimes I can barely hear people on it.


Computers are altogether a different story. I could go (and have gone) a weekend without being connected but not much longer. I love being attached to the internet. You could call it an addiction. I like to see what other people are doing and I use the internet as my medium for most things other people do like watching tv (Netflix) and playing games (draw something). I make videos and upload pictures. I hate when people tell me to get offline and go do something because ummm rarely will you find me at a computer - it's usually just checking in on my phone. And I do lots of things... more things than most people and still manage to "do stuff". I am very good at multitasking. And I am very quick (with quality) at things so something that might take someone else 10 minutes to do, takes me 1 and something that would take someone else an hour to do takes me 5. 

Like for my honeymoon, I uploaded pictures every day. Know how long it took me? Thirty seconds to click "all" and hit a button. And some people were saying, "you're in Hawaii - get offline" but I wasn't really online. I wasn't sitting at a computer in my hotel. I was out learning to stand up surf, taking a helicopter ride around a volcano, watching the sunrise at Mr. Haleakala, learning to hula and watching a hula show, going to the beach, reading a book, spending time with my new husband, going parasailing, jet-skiing the Pacific Ocean, tasting wine at a vineyard, traveling to Haleakala during the day, jumping off the black rock, get Professional Honeymoon Pictures taken, driving the road to Hana and hiking in different spots, hiking Ioa Valley State Park, snorkeling around an extinct crater (and seeing a shark), and eating breakfast, lunch & dinner out every day. Not to mention the internet time was like 3a when I couldn't sleep. My point is not to brag about how much I did but rather point out that I was able to do alllll of those things AND be on the internet. And every vacation I go on is JUST like that. We do a LOT and I am able to do both. 


People who are bad at multitasking and/or doing things quick but efficiently don't get it... because they can't do it (or they would) so they see it as me wasting time online. 


Take these blogs I write, since I write fast, take like 5 minutes... It's not a waste of time to get thoughts down.

But I realize that I couldn't live life without the internet... probably. I guess we can do anything in dire situations. For me, I don't see it as a draw back.

Are you a techno-hermit?

Technology is everywhere these days. Can you remember a time before personal computers, cell phones and the Internet?

"Telephone Party Lines" connect friends

When I was very young, I can recall our family having a "party line." No, not that kind of "party line." A "party line" back then meant there was more than one household in town with the same phone number. There was a unique ring on our phone so that we knew the call was for us. Some might have called that early social networking.

"Slide Rules" replace the abacus

When I was in high school, being "high tech" was using a slide rule. Yes, I actually owned two slide rules. That was back in the "dark ages" before calculators.

"Community Telephones" enhance social networking

When I was a freshman in college, the only telephones were in the dorm lobby. The lobby became the gathering spot in the evenings to socialize. The next year telephones were installed in each room. After that, the lobby was empty at night.

"Pink Message Slips" remind us of what we missed

Some of you may even remember the pink "While You Were Out" message slips that we used in the office. Some of you will remember those notes with messages such as who called, who wanted to see you, and who returned a call. Voice mail - what was that?

"E-mails" speak without sound

When e-mail arrived, it was a revolution. We could leave messages by typing. No need to actually talk. I remember a day when an office mate sent me an email while sitting six feet away. He said it was more productive than talking.

Have "Smart Phones" Made Us Dumb?

Today, we have "smart phones" that have more computing power than the mainframe computers of the '60s and '70s. Everyone has a cell phone, including our children. While you and I may have multiple telephone numbers (office, home and cell), our children have just one - the one associated with their cell phones. But for them, the telephone is less about talking and more about texting.

Just the other day one of my friends recounted an interesting story. It seems his young 10-year-old daughter sent him a text message from her iPhone. (Yes, 10-year-olds have iPhones!) The text message directed my friend to open an e-mail on his computer. Upon doing so, my friend discovered a video of him and his wife. The video had been filmed moments before his daughter sent the text message.

So, "smart phones" and PCs have enabled us to stay in contact without seeing or speaking to others. And they call this innovation!

Pushing the Edge of Your Thinking  

• How long could you go without being wired (or wireless) with your cell phone or PC? One week? One day? One hour?
•  Do you prefer to send an email or a text message in lieu of having an actual conversation? Why or why not? 
• What communication skills are our children in danger of losing with so much techno-communication going on? What can we do to counteract this?

 

Bible update

I just finished I Kings 11 which means I am on track for my Bible reading. Most of the time I use a real Bible to read (have one on me at all times) but sometimes I use the internet.

Some parts of the Bible are beyond painful. And I gotta say, some of their responses are weird. For example, II Samuel 21:

³ David asked the Gibeonites, “What shall I do for you? How shall I make atonement so that you will bless the LORD’s inheritance?”
 ⁴ The Gibeonites answered him, “We have no right to demand silver or gold from Saul or his family, nor do we have the right to put anyone in Israel to death.”
   “What do you want me to do for you?” David asked.
 ⁵ They answered the king, “As for the man who destroyed us and plotted against us so that we have been decimated and have no place anywhere in Israel, ⁶ let seven of his male descendants be given to us to be killed and their bodies exposed before the LORD at Gibeah of Saul—the LORD’s chosen one.”

Didn't they just say that they had no right to put anyone in Israel to death? And then they ask to kill seven people? Not to mention there are some interesting translations/idioms that to us, 2,000-4,000 years later, make no sense.

But I am doing it :) as painful as it is sometimes. But there are other times when it's enjoyable and I just keep reading and get a couple days ahead. 

National Endowment for the Humanities Summer Scholar

At the end of February I learned about a program called the National Endowment for the Humanities Summer Scholar where you can get graduate credit. It was really exclusive and required you to apply, write an essay and get recommendations. Only 40 people in the U.S. were chosen for this but if you get in, you get graduate credit and a $1200 stipend to use for travel. You're only allowed to apply for 2 (out of 20-ish trips). I picked Lowell, MA because I figured I could pocket the money and commute each day. And I picked Sante Fe, NM because the title sounded interesting and let's face it - I am in love with the SouthWest.

 In early April, I found out I was selected for Sante Fe (and wait listed for Lowell)! I just booked my flight so now it really feels like it's real. So from June 17-23 I will be in Santa Fe learning about
Landmarks of American History and Culture: Contested Homeland: Knowledge, History and Culture of Historic Santa Fe.

So not only will I get getting the credits that I desperately need but it'll essentially be free. And I get to go to my favorite area in the country and learn. I am beyond words excited for this!

If you remember, I need 12 credits by 2016 to keep my license or 30 by then to get a significant raise and keep my license so I am probably gonna go for the 30. I took a graduate history course as an undergrad so I already have 3 credits. I lucked out finding an organization that does cheap grad classes through Framingham State because of a grant and I have 2 credits under my belt from them and getting a 3rd in May and three more in June. Then I have the Santa Fe 3 which equal 12. The only thing I am waiting on is a class I registered for that I am PRAYING I get called Boston Immigration: Then & Now and it is free and is 3 graduate history credits to equal 15. So basically this summer is no time off for me.

TV

I know this might scare some of you but I know, by far, many of you will agree with this... 
Sometimes when I am feeling a little lonely and/or nostalgic, just popping on an old Friends episode or an older How I met Your Mother episode can help. As pathetic as it might be, I think it's because they are familiar to me and make me feel like they are my friends. Not in a crazy schizo way but in a very tangential way. There are some interesting studies to back this up surprisingly.

Here is one: http://www.cm-life.com/2009/04/22/studyshowsviewersdeveloprelationshipwithtvcharacters/

And here is another: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=imaginary-friends

I 100% agree with these articles. It literally makes me feel better to watch these shows. Watching them, does not, however, mean I am feeling lonely. 

Just an interesting thought for the day... 

Doing free things

In an effort to live frugally, I ventured to Walden Pond today for the first time.

I was utterly underwhelmed. Maybe it's because I've never read anything by Thoreau. So I picked up his "Walden or, life in the woods" from my library. The librarian told me she had to read it in college and hated it so the rave review helps... Also it smells like an old book which is, by, far, the worst smell on the planet. Though I have yet to smell burning flesh. Knock on wood it stays that way. 


While it's true I am a world traveler. - the things I haven't done in my own backyard is pathetic. So for the rest of this year I am going to search out local (read: New England) things to do that I've never done before. The list is pretty long.


 Up next: watching a reenactment of a battle from the Revolutionary War and go to Hampton Beach for the sand castle festival. 

Why care about any place that isn't America?

While telling my students about the Invisible Children sometimes I get comments like, "there are people who need help in America why are we helping Africans"? I get it. We do have a lot of issues in America but I don't think that means that we can't help people who need help. I don't mean through wars,  by the way. Those are a waste of time, money, energy and lives.

Sometimes I think about the concept of borders - they're fictional lines that can not be seen anywhere but on a map. And those fictional lines determine your language and culture. But millions of years ago the planet probably looked similar to this:

We were all part of one giant country at some point. Would that make us all one country? Probably not considering every continents can't keep it all together. But we make up these laws and rules that if you pop out of your mom between one place's fictional borders that you are automatically that country's nationality. Congratulations - you win the jackpot... or in some cases, not. We all had an equal chance to be born in the USA, Canada, Iraq or Uganda. It's not your doing that you were born here. And if you were born somewhere else and being ritually abused with an ineffective government, wouldn't you want help? And wouldn't it piss you off if people said, "that's Africa, it's not my problem". I get it. It's not our problem. But I just don't believe that it should work like that.

If you want to argue that adults should be able to take care of their own problems - fine. The Joesph Kony thing involves innocent kids who do not know any better and don't know how to chance things or get help. There are too many problems in the world to fix all of them like little girls being killed en masse in China or the mistreatment of women in the middle east. You gotta pick something to care about. The foreign aid budget is only 1% of our budget. 

I am not saying we should get in everybody's business but some guy kidnapping and thousands of kids maybe needs to be dealt with. And my personal experience with people who say the above things is that they're just talking... and very rarely do anything to help anyone be it in America or elsewhere. 

The Holocaust

Every year I teach about the Holocaust for 2 - 3 weeks using lectures, movies, documentaries, comic books, primary sources, and discussions. I realize more gruesome events have happened through history but kids seem really stuck on this being the most terrible so they are most interested in it.


It drains me. I got home everyday feeling beat. It's just so sad. I mean I have kids cry during these classes - not my favorite thing ever. The day where I spend 55 minutes lecturing is the worst. I am not used to speaking for that long and my throat is shot at the end of the day. 

This year we are doing something called The Butterfly Project where the kids make a butterfly that represents a child who was killed in the Holocaust. The Holocaust Museum in Washington D.C. is sponsoring it and will put all of the 1.5 million butterflies on display in its museum in Spring of 2014. I'd love to go see the display. I got 80+ kids to do it and the rest of the department is doing it as well.

 

Do something: Kony 2012

So April is partly my volunteer month. Four years ago a group of girls approached the social studies department to advise an Amnesty International club. No one really wanted to do it. I know I sure didn't. I had no idea what Amnesty International was. So we told the girls to come back at the beginning of next year. Over the summer I researched what the heck it was and thought it would be interested so when they approached us again I took it on. It turned into the largest club in the school with 120+ members largely in part because the girls gave me a movie, Invisible Children. My entire department showed the movie to our kids and told them about what kinds of things we'd do in the club. We were swarmed with members. So we raised a ton of money for the organization (and others). 


When the Kony 2012 thing hit the internet a few months ago, I was inundated with emails from former students and had kids stopping by asking me if I heard about it. I hadn't. I did some research but it didn't go anywhere until my friend, Stephanie, posted something on facebook about going to meet with John Kerry's office about it and if anyone wanted to sign up. I told her I was on board.


We went today. We met at 2:00 to discuss who was going to say what and write some letters. Then we headed over to the office and met with one of his staffers, Amy. We discussed the issue and asked why Kerry hadn't signed the 2012 resolution yet and it turns out that he can't. Since he is the chairman of the foreign relations committee, it's policy for him not to sign resolutions but he's 100% behind it and has been working on it for years. It was an interesting meeting. We even had a former child soldier with us who told his story. I also got to tell my story. And we had a few of the Invisible Children roadies with us.

I had no idea that the senators' offices weren't in the State House...

 

Death

I wrote this on March 4 but didn't publish it until now because I wanted to think about it for awhile.  Except for the part in red - that was written on April 4. 

For the past few days, I've noticed that something was caught in the back of my throat on my tonsil. It was very annoying - almost like I had a popcorn kernel stuck back there. I tried everything from chewing gum to gargling to get it out. Strangely, I never looked inside my mouth. It felt like it was in a place I couldn't see. Today while I was driving home it was driving me CRAZY so I pulled over and opened up and saw something like this... actually never mind, the online pictures are disgusting. But it was, like a small white, painless dot on my right tonsil. It was close to the size of a small pea. I immediately freaked out and assumed the worst: cancer. I googled "painless white spot on tonsil" and got this answer.  It wasn't a definite but perhaps a little hope. The entire drive home I spent thinking about if it was cancer and how quickly my life would change. I can be a bit of a drama queen when it comes to my health. The instant I got home, I ran upstairs and gargled some salt water and mouthwash (at different times) and brushed my teeth to no avail. Not good for someone who suffers from anxiety. So I took a pair of tweezers and tried to grab it and it came off after a couple of attempts. It was a tonsilolith - from the above article. It was gross but the good news - it wasn't cancer. Yikes. What a scary feeling for about 20 minutes. March was all about contemplating the heavens - apparently March didn't get the memo that I should've gotten this tonsil thing in March. Duh. Now onto what I did write in March.

Someday I will die.

Someday my mom will die.

Someday my dad will die.

Everyone I have ever known will die. 

Everyone who has ever lived has or will die. 

I hope my husband, children and brother outlive me because I don't think I could handle that kind of loss. True, it is what matters that you do in life and so death should not be focused on but I just can't imagine that there will come a day when I can't call them and hear about them or tell them about my day or visit or hug them.

When I began having panic attacks in the summer of 2004, for some reason my mind refused to focus on much else other than the thought of my parents dying, which until that point had never crossed my mind. Not once.  Not for an instant. I had also never had a panic attack before. I don't know why it has all of a sudden become such a trauma for me. If I talk about it for even 20 seconds, I will tear up and I am not the "crying" type. I guess I realized how important they are to me as guides and as friends and I can not fathom life without them. But it will come. Someday. I hope in at least 25 years or more and not a moment less. My mom's dad died at 56 of pancreatic failure. My dad's mom at around 56 from breast cancer. My dad's dad from Alzheimer's at 81. My 75 year old maternal grandma is still alive and kicking as are all of my 3 blood uncles and 5 blood aunts (I am only counting them for genetic reasons) and all of their children. There have been no tragedies. Thank God. But there will be someday. I am blessed.

It's a horrible thing to think about - would you rather someone die instantly/in their sleep or over a long period of time so you can say goodbye? I am selfish. I think, I would rather it be a long thing so I can have sufficient time to say goodbye to them. That's unfair that they'd have to go through pain and time but I am just being selfish. It's not like I can control this anyways. It's just thoughts. This is going to sound horrible but I sometimes am jealous of the families who have had to deal with a trauma like this because by the end of it they just want it to be over and want their loved ones to no longer be suffering. As opposed to having a loved one ripped from them. Again, I know this is horribly selfish and I wouldn't wish it on anyone I love. Just a thought. I think being blind sided makes it worse. But I've never lost anyone really close so how would I know?

I too one day will die. I wonder what death feels like. I wonder what not existing here feels like. I've read a few stories about people who have died and come back to life and their stories comfort me because all signs point to there being something after here. What purpose would lying bring them? If they died and lied about there being something, what good would that bring them or anyone else? I don't think those people are lying. If I died and came back to life and there was nothing, I would proclaim it through out the word so that people might live differently. But I wouldn't see a purpose to lying. Death is scary. If there was no bright light, I'd say so.

S.A.D.

I don't mean to make light of a disorder that I likely don't have and won't bother getting tested for but I think it's possible that I may have seasonal affective disorder. I can't help but feel so much more alive and wanting to do things when it's warmer out. When it's cold, I just don't want to do anything or go anywhere. The only reason I live in New England is because my family is here. I hate the weather here so much that I tried to move away from here in college but got too homesick. I love the southwest. I love the weather and that it's nice year round. Out of all the possible symptoms, I don't have loss of interest in work or unhappiness. But everything else, definitely:
Symptoms usually build up slowly in the late autumn and winter months. Symptoms are usually the same as with depression:

• Increased appetite with weight gain (weight loss is more common with other forms of depression)
• Increased sleep and daytime sleepiness (too little sleep is more common with other forms of depression)
• Less energy and ability to concentrate in the afternoon
• Loss of interest in work or other activities
• Slow, sluggish, lethargic movement
• Social withdrawal
• Unhappiness and irritability   

It sucks when you know you may have a problem but know there is no good way for you to treat it :( 

Know your limits

I found another secret to adulthood this weekend after the 5k - know your own limits. There is no reason to push yourself beyond a certain point. Pushing yourself is good but there is a line and we must be careful not to cross it. 

The Lottery

I follow the mantra that the lottery is a tax on those who do not understand probability (thanks dad!). I've never really been into it but I did buy a 5 lottery tickets this past weekend because someone's gotta win. Why not me?

And because winning the lottery would make this month's goal null - there is soooo much I could/would do if I won the lottery. I'd start by paying off all of our debt and all of our good friends and family's debt. Then I'd buy a house and get a personal trainer and nutritionist and let's be honest - I'd get some lipo and a tummy tuck. I'd probably take a leave of absence at work and travel the globe for a couple of years with Scott. Then we'd come back to our lives and I'd go back into teaching. I'd probably take a TON of college classes because I love to learn - it's just so darn expensive. And of course I'd give tons of money away to charity.


It's nice to dream. I don't do it often. I mean, I have goals. Attainable goals. But if something's not realistic I really don't let myself think about it. What's the point? God, I'd love to win the lottery. So much would be solved. People who say money doesn't buy you happiness need to be punched. LOL I mean, of course, it won't buy you happiness if there is a foundation that isn't there. But God I'd love to win it! I bet it WOULD make me happy. AT least in part.

One day without shoes

One of my "things to do in April" is so volunteer, I went to a conference on Monday where the women who spoke told us about this project called 2012 hours against hate where you pledge your time to stop hate—to do something for someone who doesn’t look like you, pray like you, or live like you. It's a campaign to stop bigotry and promote pluralism and respect.

A student asked me a month ago if we could do the Day Without Shoes on April 10. I don't know if for safety reasons we can do this but I did bring it up with my principal. I'd like to do this regardless so this will probably be one thing I do this month to volunteer effort into raising awareness about someone who doesn't live like me.

April

April - Live frugally. Scott & I have had 3 wonderful but extremely expensive years together and now is the time to pull back... a lot. So we can pay off debts and buy a house... in that order. So I am going to try to do free/cheap things and volunteer. I chose this month because it's one of the few that doesn't have a holiday or many birthdays in it so it could be easy to spend less.

There isn't a chapter in her book about this - I chose something my life needs. Scott and I have been doing a really good job doing this (compared to our lives together so far) since December. So I read some blogs and got some advice. 

The first thing I did was make the checklist of things to focus on:

That blog above is ridiculous. The man has a wife and 6 kids and both of them have jobs and they own 1 car on purpose (not because they can't afford it). That's just crazy. Using cash is big because with a debit card it's hard to see how much money is leaving and how much you have left. I have become a slave to the debit card. The 10 day list is modified from the blog above where the guy uses a 30 day list. Basically, if you want something (as opposed to needing something (food, etc...)) like clothes or other items you write it down and put a date next to it. If you no longer want it after 10 days, you don't buy it. It stops impulse buying. I haven't had a sip of soda since December 31, 2011 (which is tough because I LOVE soda even though I rarely drink it) so I think I can cut back on alcohol. I am of the "if it's broken, buy a new one" generation so I will maintain things instead of buying new things.I am the queen of driving all around the world at a moment's notice but rarely do I see it as wasting gas. So I am going to stop that. The rest is self explanatory.

And the second thing was to read about a lot of fun and free things to do. I liked this article in Cosmo the best. 

Should be an interesting month...

One sentence gratitude journal

I will update this daily.

March 1 - I am grateful that this snow day allowed me to relax and slow down a bit.


March 2 - I am grateful that I work in a school where being involved is easy and fun like judging the Mr. NHS competition. 


March 3 - I am grateful that I was able to cross off one of my "bucket list" items - do a polar plunge.  


March 4 - I am grateful that I have family that I could help move in. Some people don't have anyone. Can you imagine how lonely that must be?


March 5 -  I am grateful for friends that I can pick up with even if it's been awhile.


March 6 - I am grateful I live in a country where I can vote and not be beaten or murdered.


March 7 -  I am grateful for my ability to get many things done very quickly but done well.


March 8 - I am grateful to be able to chaperone overnight academic field trips.


March 9 - I am grateful to be able to enjoy in students' joy when they accomplish something.


March 10 - I am grateful that I am in good enough health to complete a 5k even if it took me 51 minutes.


March 11 -I am grateful that I have a job that allows me to relax on the weekend.


March 12 - I am grateful that I saw a mosquito today because it means spring is right around the corner. Seventy-two degrees today!!


March 13 - I am grateful for family that love Scott so much they were willing to "bail him out of jail" no questions asked when it was just a money scam and not true. That's family. :)

March 14 - I am grateful for hearing that one of the classes I took as an undergrad counts as 3 credits of graduate history - out of the 12 I have to take now.

March 15 - I am grateful for job security. Today's bonus question on a test I gave was about current events - "what middle eastern country has been having protests going on for a year as of today?" and getting answers like: Europe, Asia, Moscow, and Jerusalem.

March 16 - I am grateful for an amazing group of co-workers who have completely changed the attitudes of what it was like in the building just 6 years ago. hilarious group of people.

March 17 - I am grateful for a group of friends that still can act like we are in our 20s and makes it fun to wait in line.

March 18 - I am grateful that waking up early didn't feel like death this morning from a hangover. 

March 19 - I am grateful that it is winter and I spent an hour outdoors in shorts and a tank top reading in 72 degree weather. <3

March 20 - I am grateful for my thick hair even though on most days I wish it were thinner. I am also grateful that I look young. I hear it every single day that I look like I am in high school.  It annoys me to no end but someday I will be grateful... or so I'm told... everyday.


March 21 - I am grateful for time to relax outside with my puppies.

March 22 - I am grateful for time well spent with good friends.  

March 23 - I am grateful for the opportunity to chaperone a middle school dance because it completely re-affirmed that I made the right choice to be a high school teacher.

March 24 -  I am grateful for date time with my husband.

March 25 - I am grateful for people are easy to work with.

March 26 - I am grateful for great coworkers who go with me to educational things like this: http://nobigotry.facinghistory.org/


March 27 - I am grateful for a wonderful father who is an accountant and who does my taxes.

March 28 - I am grateful for great friends and us having a blast.

March 29 - I am grateful that I have the ability to persevere through something excruciatingly painful (mentally) and not snapping.

March 30 - I am grateful that my school takes community service seriously - had a blast chaperoning the 30 hour famine.

March 31 - I am grateful for people taking pity on me so I can still feel accomplished.

I think this overall is a really good idea - to be thankful for things in your life but finding time every day to write in an online journal about them isn't. I think I'll just stick to saying them out loud to God.

Survival of the fittest

I strongly believe in survival of the fittest (SOTF) - I mean, how can you NOT? The slower animal will get eaten and not pass its slow genes onto the next generation. The stupider animal will cross the road into oncoming travel and not pass its idiot genes onto the next generation. And but not passing them on, the species grows stronger. The same was true for humans but with all of our advancements, are we really becoming a better, stronger species?

It's interesting to think about all that I've gone through in life and apply SOTF to my own life... if I lived 100 years ago. My great-grandfather, Max, died of appendicitis. Both of my parents have had it but I haven't. Luckily, Max died from it after my grandfather was born, allowing me to be born. I am unsure about when my dad had his but I know my mom had hers at age 19, about 8 years before I came into existence... which would mean all things being equal, I might not be here if my family lived 100 years ago.

Forgetting that, I have had pneumonia twice and the first time was at age 12 and I had it BAD. I mean, throat closing bad... dead. I had mono (age 14 and 25) which 100 years ago would not have excused me from work which would have lead to lupus... dead. I have had blood poisoning (thanks to a vicious cat biting me and me not knowing to make things bleed when they're deep) at age 18... dead. I survived a horrific car accident (roll over) without a seat belt) at 18. Not to mention I have been vaccinated against all of the routine diseases and God knows if I would've gotten them growing up. 

We are very lucky to live to the age that we do now. But even luckier to live at all. I am sure most of you have similar stories about maybe near misses. I wonder how many people would be around today if people who died from completely treatable things now were alive to procreate back then leading to more people today. I wonder what my own family would be like if my great-uncle hadn't died in childhood. I wonder how many more wonderful people might be in my life. Do I owe it to them to live fully because they can't?

By the way, I would be the first one eaten in a SOTF contest if today's 5k is any indication. I came in 74th place out of 75 people. However I would've come in dead last by a long shot if they hadn't let me cut (they took pity on me). So I ended up going only 2.3 miles. I don't believe in excuses but I had no desire to do it today and went in with no goals. I've felt sick all week and threw up a little twice during the race (I probably shouldn't have drank a whole coffee less than an hour before the race and drank a 5 hour energy too). I just did not want to be there. It snowed on me the whole time and my mind was completely focused on how miserable I was. So... there it is.

Don't say anything!

Do yourself a favor and watch this video (Thanks Amy!):
http://www.ted.com/talks/view/lang///id/947

Apparently there is research that suggests that if you say you are going to do something but don't actually do it, you still feel good/accomplished because you said you were going to do it. And because you feel accomplished you don't actually do it.  I get that but I think I am the opposite for most things. Last year when I was writing a blog I asked myself almost everyday what I could do to make my journal more interesting for that day. Not for anyone else but so when I looked back on it I would think I spent my life well in that year. 

I do see where it would be true especially with exercise. If I say I am going to do something, I think I am less likely to do it sometimes but with the advent of facebook I feel like more often than not it holds me accountable to actually go and do that thing - and then checking in. I feel like if I don't do something when I say I will it's equivalent to lying. And I hate lying. When I put myself out there I am more likely to hold myself accountable because I KNOW people are going to ask me about it. It happens all the time. But if I have no one else to answer to, sometimes I let myself slide big time.  

But it is interesting to think about.

Facebook

Don't be surprised if you head to my facebook page and see less information than you usually do. I am pulling back from it. While I find no problem with putting as much out there in the world as I have done (since I have been told on more than one occasion that I've helped people) I am not that comfortable with people judging me because they don't get it. Nothing happened to prompt this - just overall comments I've heard people making about other people's online habits. I can only assume it's been said about me too. I spent the last several days adjusting privacy settings for 90% of my facebook friends. Don't freak out if you re one of them! If you really want me to add you back to full view you can ask but it might not happen.

I am just trying to rid myself of unnecessary negativity (not that you do that - just made some sweeping changes that affected most people) which is part of my happiness project. :) Don't get me wrong - I love facebook. I love staying in touch with people and seeing how their lives are going even if I am not in touch with them on a day to day or month to month basis. And I will still keep this blog up - doing my thing. And I am not delusional - I doubt this matters to anyone reading this. 

5 senses

I am going to do something I don't normally do because I feel like I always have to be doing something: I am going to meditate. Outside. And just try to empty my mind and focus on being here, now.

Ok back.

Wow. I am terrible at this. I think I last at most at any given time was two minutes and then my mind wandered. I was outside for 30 minutes. I tried really hard. Next time I'll do better. I did most of this with my eyes closed to enhance my senses (except the sight part).  It seems like something I could get into with more practice.

Some of the things I thought about though were my 5 senses: taste, touch, sound, sight, and smell. What could I see? Touch? Taste? Smell? Hear?


I heard a lot of birds chirping and calling back to each other as well as rustling of the tree branches hitting other tree branches. I ever heard a squirrel scurrying up a tree. I heard kids laughing next door. 


I tasted nothing. That would've been weird. 


I smelled the grass (or so I think I did). 


I felt the bamboo under me and the warm wind against my skin. I felt the sun on my skin - such a great feeling.


I saw birds in the trees and the clouds moving by. I saw ants crawling across the grass. I am so grateful I didn't see any mosquitoes like I did the other day. I did, however see a spider spinning a tiny web. 

And I saw one of the greatest things ever: a bud on a tree. Spring's really almost here!

Most of my favorite things from my senses are almost here too! I love the smell of fresh cut grass. I love the feeling of being submerged in water. My favorite sounds are definitely waves at the ocean and thunder but my all time favorite is the tree frogs at night. I love seeing everything in bloom. My favorite tastes can be tasted year round - I really love strong flavors so really sour or hot things. But I can't wait for corn on the cob and watermelon. Yes, I know you can get these year round but it's not the same. I love anything that feels soft especially fleece.


I actually put some nature sounds on while I was outside because I was having a hard time concentrating on the two birds yelling at each other and this was very calming.

All of this nature talk really makes me want to go camping!